I am amazed at what what my body can accomplish and how my emotions can expand my potential in unexpected ways. Every day I had a self-doubting part (I knew it was there when I thought to myself “F____ Me!” when seeing a tough challenge.) But that is what was in front of me and it was the way forward. So I also had encouraging parts that would remind the self-doubting part that I trained for this, that I was fully capable physiologically, and, that I also just had to do it to continue. I brought of True Self characteristics of Courage, Confidence, Curiosity and Composure to facilitate growing what I am capable of. I amazed myself. And my reward was feel good brain chemicals! Endorphins, Dopamine and Serotonin helped me complete the days and go to sleep with a smile on my face.
My first experience of going beyond my perceived limits happened the very first day, climbing Katahdin. Going up the Hunt Trail (AT) of Katahdin is not a hike, it is a climb. Here is a link to some you tube video of it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmU3a6dJ_9Q There are very high rocks that need to be climbed, with partial rungs at some points. The rungs were not made with short people in mind! I had to lift my leg very high to reach the rung with my left foot, and then the hand hold was beyond my reach. If I didn’t make it and fell, well, my perception was that I would fall about 10 to 20 or so feet, if I fell close, or just off the side of the mountain if I fell far back. Stopping and going back was not an option (I had decided to go down Abol trail, a steeper rock slide, but the drops were all 2-4 feet, not 6-8 feet down.) So I told myself I trained for this, and in two quick moves I got my leg up on the iron rung, launched myself up to the hand hold while scrambling up with my feet! I did it! I actually was able to do that! When I was done that hike, I felt like superwoman! I knew deep down that I could do anything. In life, not just on this adventure. I was toast, but I knew that I could overcome any challenge that I would encounter after that first day.
I basically hiked to or beyond exhaustion almost every day. Self Compassion was always there at the end of the day, to say, “hey- let’s enjoy setting up the tent, filtering water, eating some fuel”, and communicating with whoever else might be at the site where I stopped for the night. I also knew when I was NOT as emotionally intelligent as I may have liked to be. I have a part that does NOT like being woken up after I fall asleep. That is why I stay in a tent, and not in the lean-tos (and, I do not have to worry about rodents in my sleep system in my tent!). One night early in my trip I set up the inner portion of my tent in a lean-to during some heavy rain. I ended up actually yelling at someone snoring in the middle of the night! They did not notice, but the person next to them did! I apologized and tried my best to avoid putting myself in that situation again, because I have not figured out how to have that part of me not get activated while I am sleeping.
Another night I was woken up after a late arrival hiker set up his tent very close to mine. I said to him “I may yell at you if you snore!” He told me his trail name and said it was in case I needed to tell him to stop snoring! Everything crinkles when you are camping, preparing food, setting up the tent, moving on your sleeping pad. That part of me scolded him twice! Once to ask if he will be settled soon, and another time just a curt “BE STILL!”. He was gone by the time I woke up at 6 am (late by my standards.) I was not impressed with myself, and know that I need to work at finding a way to impart more tolerance to that part!
Allowing myself to notice and acknowledge the challenges I faced everyday, and the ever present difficulties of a thru hike was the first step of being emotionally aware. Being able to respond, most of the time, in an optimal way by calling on my inner resources of Courage, Confidence, Curiosity, Compassion, Creativity, Composure, Connectedness to other hikers going through similar experiences as me, or at times even with me, and having the Clarity to make safe and optimal decisions to guide my actions enhanced my experience. I did not need to end my adventure early. I was able to persevere, to accomplish tasks that I did not know I was capable of, and had never done before. Having reverence for nature and its beauty and power, and allowing the energy around me to strengthen my own energy was an experience only available by being immersed in the natural world. I actually enjoyed the difficulty and inconvenience of the task. Acknowledging my emotions, interacting with the natural world and calling on my inner resources gave me strength, and allowed me to grow and more clearly understand the vast potential I have, in so many ways, as a human, when I choose to co-exist with the natural world. The interrelated web of life was more acutely apparent, and I am thankful for the experience.
